Hallowthanksmasgivaween (A Short Rant)

The only acceptable appearance of Santa before December 25th.

The only acceptable appearance of Santa before December 25th.

At the end of September each year something magical starts to happen. The leaves turn shades of gold and red and brown,  the oppressive heat of summer fades to a cool autumn breeze and stores everywhere put aside their Back-to-School specials and replace them with Halloween paraphernalia instead. The scent of pumpkin spice and candy corn fills the air as golds and oranges and blacks drape every storefront and display. Clever costumes and decorations fill the shelves as ghosts and ghouls spark the imagination. Yes, that last week of September is full of macabre magic and wonder.

Unfortunately it’s that first week of October that robs the giddy, child like delight of the season clean away from you. In seven days the aisles of Halloween haunts and cheerful monsters dwindle. Where half the store may have been covered in various forms of Samhain magic just a day before it’s as if Santa’s little helper came right behind the store clerk and vomited tinsel and spray snow in every corner. Suddenly Jack-O-Lanterns and skeletons have been replaced by reindeer and plastic trees. Jingle Bell Rock is echoing over the PA system in place of The Monster Mash. A holly jolly assault on fall traditions courtesy of heartless conglomerates anxious to start ramming Christmas sales and gaudy gifts down your throat before you can even make it to the first winter chill or the table at Thanksgiving because tradition and value has been sold away to the highest bidder.

So how, you might ask, does one combat this assault on ancient tradition and modern, candy induced hysteria? By fighting back with Jack-O-Lantern guerilla tactics of course. Replacing Rudolph’s head with a pumpkin or dressing a plastic corpse in Santa’s clothes and sitting him in the window display. Replace the turkey on the table with a giant spider or devil possessed rat. And don’t forget the zombies in the nativity scene. Move the Halloween stuff front and center whenever you get the chance. Don’t let these corporate greed machines force flunkies on the sales floor to do away with our favorite holiday just because they won’t make as much money feeding off everyone’s greed and guilt.

I’m the type of guy that put’s a Jason mask on frosty the snowman and replaces the candy canes in the Christmas village with bloody machetes and axes. Hey, you don’t want it to happen then maybe you’ll quit putting out Christmas crap in September. Keep fighting the good fight, fellow Halloweenies.


About Danno

Dan Lee is a freelance writer, critic, independent author and publisher, as well as a horror culture correspondent. His articles, interviews, editorials, and fictional works continue to run on several sites and publications. He is also one of the resurrectionists behind the return of the Nashville Zombie Walk (2017).
This entry was posted in Danno of the Dead Blog. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s