You Make Me Smile will always be your song. I’ll always see us dancing in the kitchen and laughing whenever I hear it playing.
I’m a hopeless romantic, a little boy in a grown man’s body chasing after this dream that I have and never really seeing the tangible until I’ve run too far past it to grab on. I’m always going to be twenty minutes early or half an hour late, never right on time and ready to go. There is a perpetual cloud of chaos that surrounds every attempt at order and organization and a lingering doubt about every opportunity that comes along. I’ll always wait for the other shoe to drop, for too good to be true to really be too good to be true.
A piece of you is in everything I write now. It’s not just monsters and dime store horror anymore. I’m looking at my craft as what it is, a type of art.
I won’t say that I’m better on my own because who can really make that claim in a world teeming with people? I’ll say that I’m taking time to find what’s important, to make repairs and adjust my course. I tried it once before with a partner and I sank. I’ll never let anyone drag me to the bottom again. I’ll never risk dragging someone down with me if I fall again.
I know how to find you and you know how to find me. We’re good at that. I never felt right sharing you with my world and that was my problem, Mia Bella, my fear.
Small steps are what I’m taking now. Time and patience to figure out which way to go and who I want to be. Maybe I’ve made sense? No, probably just rambled on the way I do.